La tortuga extrana

Welcome to my (humble) lair.

juilanne:

i love typing because my fingers make that cool sound and i seem professional

(via unretrieved)


let me refresh you

Guys google is stalking me, dominoes keeps on coming up as a suggested page, can this please stop lol

The Yes wo(man).

Two days ago, something quite funny happened to me. It wasn’t funny after it happened and then it was. So, I don’t know about other people but I wonder almost everyday ( not quite) why the heck I have an iphone, yes you can download flappy bird, yes you can download snapchat and yes you have imessage. FLAPPPPY BIRD. Flapppy Bird. Flappy Bird. My phone battery lasts less than 3 hours and I am pretty sure this is not my fault haha even though all my family and friends seem to think I suck the battery out of my phone. 

This is relevant I promise. I was meant to meet a friend ( yes i have friends) I need to stop these bracket things cause I think I am the only one who finds them funny. Yes, I was meant to meet my friend to shop for carnations and roses for our UNICEF event the next day but my phone was DEAD. Stranded in town with no means of communicating with her, I frantically searched for a store that would help me charge the phone. Vodafone finally did me the honour of charging the phone for me. 
Cold, Soaked and in need of some shelter, I chose to go into office after the massive sale sign I saw thought why not????
Now there was a half price sale going on ( why I don’t know cause I have always thought sales end in January) but here I was ‘browsing’ at some boots. I picked up two pairs and asked if I could try them on ( this was all part of my plan to pass time whilst my phone charged btw) The lady brought the shoes and I proceeded to try them on. 
 
I rolled up my flared trakkies and looked in the mirror walking around and did that face which said ‘she is totally pondering as to whether or not to buy these shoes. So, obviously we have all done this, gone into stores and tried stuff on and then politely told the sales assistant that we are not buying anything. WHY I COULDN’T JUST DO THAT I DON’T KNOW. I guess my elaborate act of drama backfired and I ended up buying a pair of boots which although I liked, I really didn’t want to buy. 
 
The way it happened is what made me laugh, sequence of events 
1) I try on a pair of size 6 boots lie that they are too big, lady proceeds to try and find a size 5 only for her to discover only have the size 5 in brown and not black 
2) try on the 5 and tell her its a perfect fit ( they are not) and ask her if they have them online in an attempt to seem legit
3) she then proceeds to check on the system where they have the boots in a 5, she says have them in bristol 
4) say i have friend in bristol who can pick them up for me
5) she obvs thinks I am legit - plan too elaborate
6) she tells me to try on size 6 again with insoles and I do knowing can’t lie they don’t fit so say they are too boring instead
7) she tells me to try on an edgier pair of boots
8) I stupidly do and tell her my weird outfit won’t let me see the true beauty of the shoe
9) she then tells me can buy and return if don’t like when I get home
10) too deep in, ended up buying shoes i don’t want 
 
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SO moral of the story guys is DO NOT COME UP WITH ELABORATE LIES TO SEEM LIKE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN BUYING A PAIR OF SHOES. ( and charge your phone so you won’t have to go into stores to pass time and learn how to say no to sales assistants !!!)))